At 33, I'm Still that Girl from High School

I belonged to the popular group when I was in high school but I was not a popular one. I was the fat friend in the group. I tried to make a name for myself, of course. I became an officer for the CAT and got some attention.

I love my friends and they are still my friends to this day and I wouldn't exchange them for the world but there is a price to pay for being int he company the popular ones. For one, they are popular for a reason. My friends are the pretty, smart, or they just have this x-factor that makes them stand out from the crowd even if they do nothing but stand and smile.

I was in high school, I didn't know who I was and the only way I could define myself was by comparing myself from the people around me and the comparisons I was making weren't always the right ones but the result was consistent, I was the ugly fat friend... the unpopular one in a popular group.

God knows I was happy for my friends whenever they receive roses and gifts from secret admirers. I was giddy for them and always excited to know who sent it. I listened to their stories and was happy to do so.

But I also wondered when do I get to receive those flowers and letters and gifts. I wished there was someone who also noticed me and liked me enough to send letters and roses to me.

Everyday, I was simply in awe of how beautiful my friends were. We were in a school owned by Catholics, we weren't permitted to wear make up or wear accessories but they were still beautiful. 

First Date Tips for Single Women in their 30s.

I wondered why I didn't get to be as beautiful as they were. I wished I was.

I had few crushes in high school. I know it was nothing but infatuation but they were the best kinds of crush I've ever had. It was an innocent crush but seeing them pass by was already enough for me. Seeing them from afar made my day. It would put me in the mood to go and listen to my teachers the whole day.

But they never went for me. They all went after my friends.

There were nights when I would just imagine it was me in my friends' place, I'd get the attention and boys in school would be looking at me and my friends would be the ones who will just look on.

This are different now, of course. I am 33and most of my high school dfriends are already married. Some of them aged gracefully but more actually didn't. Some of them look older than their age and some look older than my mother.

But it hasn't changed the fact that to me, they are still the prettiest girls I will ever see up close. It hasn't changed the fact that they had the things I wanted when I was in high school. Sure, it's part of what motivated me to strive harder in my career. I wasn't much in high school so I wanted to make things better for me as I grow older. It was clear I wasn't going to get it in a silver platter so I had to work for it.

Things are better but it doesn't change the fact that I worked harder because I wanted what they had. I worked harder because I was hoping I'd get the guy this time.

Yes, I'm still that girl from high school, the unpopular one in the popular group. I am still that girl from high school who dreams of getting the guy and the attention.


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