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Showing posts from March, 2015

To the Young Women in My Family

Dear Nieces,

It has been a real privilege watching you grow. I hope you all know just how much of a joy to see all of you grow up to become beautiful people. I hope someday you will grasp the kind of joy you brought to us.

Someday, each of you will have struggles that you don't always reveal to family. I know because we all went or are going through it. Some are harder than others'. That's okay. No matter how open and close you are to the rest of us, it is always healthy and, perhaps, necessary to discover things on your own and create a world in which we don't exist.

There are some things, however, I hope you keep intact regardless of where you end up. Many of these things I forgot, or choose to forget, when I was taking the journey you are now embarking on and that's how I know the consequences could be tragic.


#1- Remember It really boils down to moments. We spend millions of seconds alive but in the most critical of times, we go back to moments that matter …

"Finding Myself"

I've heard that so many times from people who decided to move from wherever they come from to California. 
At one point, I said that too. I don't exactly remember what prompted me to say it. I don't remember why I felt I don't have me. Maybe it was the cancelled wedding. Maybe it was all these friends getting married and giving birth left and right. Maybe it was all these relatives, friends and strangers looking at me with pity because I am still single and well on my way to becoming a matandang dalaga. 
It changed though. From "finding myself", I realized I have a full grasp of who I am but I didn't like it. 
So I wanted to leave thinking changing the environment will change me or maybe, I wouldn't have to change but learn to be happy with who I am. 
Approaching my 18th month here, nothing much has changed and I am realizing that maybe, nothing ever will. 
I am who I am regardless of where I am.

Losing Yourself in a Marriage

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She has always been proud of being an independent woman but she can't go and watch a movie with her female friends without asking for permission from her boyfriend.



She also claims she is used to getting her way because she is an only girl and her father's favorite. In fact, she said she is good at manipulating people.



Yet, she can't manipulate her boyfriend, soon to be husband, so she can have her once a week girl's night out she wants badly.



Maybe she just wants this. Maybe she really is an independent woman but wants to change because this is her vision of a marriage or maybe her definition of independence is different from mine or maybe she never was, she just thought she was.



She is obviously happy and is counting the days to her wedding. I will be in her wedding and will do everything I can to help her in her future married life. My opinion of her personality doesn't matter, of course. However, she does inspire me to ask some critical questions.


Do I …

10 Simple and FREE Things That WILL Change the World

Billions upon billions are spent to make this world a better place. Machines are developed to provide people's needs faster. New technologies are put in place to defend countries from other countries. New techniques are becoming necessary to "correct" imperfections.



Yet, more people feel uglier, countries are in even worse danger and more people find can't get their most basic of needs.



We don't need billions. We don't need decades. We don't need half the effort we are exerting now to change the world.



There are 20 things we can do now and it wouldn't cost us any money. If half of us start doing this, the world will become a better place in just a short time if not overnight.



Tell the truth all the time.Admit mistakes.Stop judging based on looks, color or faith.Forgive.Appreciate others.Respect nature.Listen... really listen more than we talk. Give people what they deserve and what is really theirs. Say what they mean TV.Read more than they talk or…

Lessons From Pacquiao

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He gets criticized for playing in the PBA, a playing coach at that.

He gets criticized for running for public office.

He gets laughed at for singing.

He gets insulted for his tacky taste.

But he is happy, successful and rich.

He worked his butt out for two decades to become the best boxer he can be.

He became the best boxer in the guddam world.

He earned enough money to buy houses wherever he wants to and buy the cars he likes and give to other people what they want.

He takes care of his family and friends. He takes care of more people than a million of us put together ever had.

He brought honor to this country. He inspired so many.

He has battered and bruised his body for two decades.

I say that's enough... more than enough.

He earned the right to do what he wants and not explain himself to anyone. He earned the right to play in any league of any sport. He earned the right to gamble. He earned the right to buy any house he wants. He earned the right to be happy in any way he wan…

How Little Things Reveal the Big Things

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We were having coffee and the amber alert on my phone.

I looked at it and read out loud the plate number and model of the car identified on the message.

She said I should turn it off because it's a disturbance.

I know it's not a big deal for some people. After all, amber alert could be a distraction unless you are a relative of the kid that was kidnapped.

I said I don't want to turn it off because, however unlikely as it may seem, I just might see that car and help a family find their kid.

It doesn't cost me anything and everyone knows what an amber alert is.

I just found her remark a little selfish.

Why reject an opportunity, however remotely, that could help other people? Why not care enough to keep it on?

She did admit to being "a little selfish". Apparently, because she is an only child and is used to getting things her way.

A couple of weeks ago, she ranted about how unfair the law is in the Philippines that grant equal rights to children of mistresses …

10 Things I Wish I Learned Early

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Most of the bullshit we go through is really self-inflicted. Our stupidity, hard-headedness and misplaced romanticism make us do certain things even though we know we are steering towards a train wreck.


I had a friend who was a pathological liar. I kept on with her thinking she would be "different with me". In the end, she ripped the closest clique I had at work and almost destroyed my relationship with my best friend.


Age, luckily, comes with an optional gangsta attitude. At some point you start not giving a f%$# at things you should have never given a f$%# to in the first place. Perhaps, had I learned things things early on, maybe I would be in a better place, happier and so are the people I strained just because I didn't have the courage to stand up for myself.

#1- Say 'No'

It's okay to sacrifice some of the things we want for the people we care about but you need to accept that continuing to do favors for people who wouldn't need if only the…

Some People are Unaware of their Arrogance

I promise not to manipulate you
A friend told me that several days ago. I am sure she meant to flatter me and express her loyalty. I like her and is one I the few new friends I think I will have for the rest of my life.

She is generous and patient. She is funny and honest. Those things are hard to come by.

She is also arrogant.

For her to even have that much confidence in her ability that she unwittingly claims it will be her choice whether we will be manipulated or not. 

And to think she can't even "manipulate" her boyfriend to allow her to go out with female friends once a week. 

Amazing.

Of Courage and Lying

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Why Be With a Man That...

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He is successful and rich. He is smart and he is a very good conversationalist. He is articulate and independent.

He likes me but he is also very much married.

Yes, he sends signals that he wants to ask me out. He called me his "soulmate" at one point.

HOWEVER

The mere fact he thinks he has a chance means he doesn't think very highly of me. Otherwise, why will he even think I would remotely entertain the thought of going out with a married guy?

Then I realize that there are women who actually go out with married men. It just astounds me that there are men who would want to go out with women who disrespect themselves enough yogi out with married men.