Matandang Dalaga

My parents never understood why I find tattooed guys who just might have never combed their seemingly unshampooed hair wearing an unironed hole-filled shirt paired with a tattered pair of blue jeans attractive.  They never liked the guys I liked but I never liked the guys they liked either, the kind that prefers a suit as their everyday wear, the kind that will never go out of the house unless their entire outfit is coordinated, the kind that always wears shirts with a collar and wears nothing but a newly shined pair of shoes. They like guys that work behind a desk from 8 to 5, attend meetings in a conference room filled with equally put together group of guys with degrees from universities that take your soul whenever you enrol. I have nothing against those guys and I’ve been in a relationship with one but those guys are not the subject of my fantasies. They certainly aren’t the kind that would make me tremble to the bones. In fact, overly put together men are either “

If I had a nickel for every time that question is asked to me, I’d pay of the debt of the country. I think at some point, the congress should already declare this question unconstitutional. For the love of god, when are people going to realize that asking someone when they are getting married is just like asking a woman what her waistline is. There really isn’t anything wrong with it but there’s so many emotional repercussions with consequences that could piss off a woman any man knows that you would rather the US drop another A bomb on your ass than piss off a woman. Through the years, I have learned that if I kill everyone that asks me that, everyone within 1 kilometer radius wherever I go will die.

“Damn, it must suck to be you right now,” my cousin told me. “Why?” I asked. “Because you became a grandmother before you become a mother,” he said. I wanted to slap him but not as much as I wanted to slap my niece. One of our nieces got pregnant at 14. She was in high school. One of my cousins was in London then, working as a chef. When we called him up to tell him the news he said “Slap the bitch for me… the f&*% is she thinking making us grand parents?” I’m already having trouble finding a date as is, imagine how it’s gonna be now that I am a grandmother? Imagine subjecting a guy to the thought that he is about to kiss a grandmother? The f*%$!

They say we are most likely to regret the things we chose not to do than the things we did. I always thought that’s a lot of shit and it is but it’s the kind of shit that we need in our life… actually, it’s the kind of shit that we need to jump into, fully submerge ourselves and come out of it stinking and beaten. After 34 years, tonight… when the moon is nowhere in sight, the voice of Gary and Gil (LeesSang) is wringing in my head, my coffee cup is empty and I’m irritated at the noise of my neighbors that I’m seriously considering poking a huge hole on their car tires… I realized I didn’t make enough mistakes. I was so darn scared of doing anything that could result to some permanent damage that I chose to always be on the safe side. It is true that I have pretty much been able to avoid some major injuries (no child out of wedlock, no clan-wide humiliation) and I am thankful for that.

When I was younger, I remember seeing some people eating alone in a restaurant and thinking 'how sad that they can't find someone to eat with'. Now, I eat alone too... and often. I don't mean just sitting in Starbucks (I don't like their coffee) with a laptop in front of me. I mean going in a restaurant to eat alone. Sometimes, I look around to find younger people who might be looking at me thinking exactly what I thought when I was their age. And when I do find someone looking at me, I fight the urge to b!tchsl@p them. Kidding (or not). It's one of those moments when you realize you know exactly what they are thinking because you've been there too.

I look 5 years younger than my age. It's not to brag because God knows I am not pretty. I'm the ugliest among us cousins. I just look a little younger than my age. I have no money to be a regular at the Belo clinic so I have resorted to simple and cheap ways to delay the aging process a bit. 1. Drink lots of water. They say 8 glasses is necessary but some say it actually includes liquid you get from other sources like rice, fruits, and others. Regardless, I drink lots of water. It's certainly more than 8 glasses, not counting the liquid I get from fruits. Whenever possible, I drink fresh coconut water. 2. I eat lots of fruits and I mean lots because...

That moment when you realize teen-agers are using "po" and "opo" on you... That moment when you realize that you are talking to someone whose age is when you thought people your current age are old. That moment when you realize that even if you can manage to look ten years younger, you'd still look like you're in you mid 20s. That moment when you realize that the young people that's irritating you with their noise and carefree laughter is doing the same thing you were doing when you were their age.

Apparently, here are the "rules": 1. During the early days of dating, the girl should offer to pay half the bill but the guy should say politely say no to the offer. 2. When a guy is courting a girl and someone asks if they are in the courtship stage, the guy should be the one to answer and admit he is courting her. 3. When they are already in a relationship and someone asks if they are, the girl should answer it. 4. The first date should be casual. Something like, coffee or a snack. That way, either could bail early and soon if it's not working out.

Have you ever taken a huge risk with no back up plan or safety net? I don't know... maybe... resigning from a job with no replacement and no savings... or get married with no house, no savings, no and job... or bet all your money... whatever. Have you ever done something that seemed so unreasonable and so seemingly stupid because it seems you're risking it all? I have been brought up by practical parents. They told me to buy a house and save enough money so that when rainy day comes, I'll have something to get me by. They encouraged me to invest on a house instead of going to other countries. They feel that traveling can wait but owning your house shouldn't wait. I need to have the certainty of having a home to go home to when I get old. Although they never said it, they were against my first relationship because they knew I was earning more than the guy.