Doing Things Alone

When I was younger, I remember seeing some people eating alone in a restaurant and thinking 'how sad that they can't find someone to eat with'.

Now, I eat alone too... and often.

I don't mean just sitting in Starbucks (I don't like their coffee) with a laptop in front of me. I mean going in a restaurant to eat alone. Sometimes, I look around to find younger people who might be looking at me thinking exactly what I thought when I was their age. And when I do find someone looking at me, I fight the urge to b!tchsl@p them.

Kidding (or not).

It's one of those moments when you realize you know exactly what they are thinking because you've been there too.

There's nothing you can do about how they think, the same way older people couldn't do anything about how you think when you were younger but I also don't care.

It's one of the benefits of reaching 30 and having the security that you've achieved something in your life. You really start not giving a d@mn eff whatever people might think of what you do.

I have, in fact, come to like doing things alone nowadays. I like watching movies alone, for one. I don't get a lot of free days. When I do get a chance, I watch at least two movies consecutively. Alone, I get to run from one theater to another faster, decide which ones to watch faster, and most of all, I get to watch the movie in peace.

I'm a movie addict, I don't like it when people talk when I am watching.

I like eating alone too because i also get some work done when I eat. I like shopping alone, doing errands alone, and a whole lot of other things.

There are, however, some moments of sanity when a blizzard of psychosis take what's left of occasionally functioning brain. There are moments of silly and humiliating madness when I make myself doubt whether or not I really like doing these things alone or if I have simply learned to survive by liking the situation I am in.

I have always been a loner. Even in high school, I always liked doing things alone but then, whenever I get the chance, I do things with my friends. So, I'm not really sure.

Now, that I am a matandang dalaga with most of my friends already married, doing things alone is inevitable.

Most of the time, I like it but there are moments of stupid insanity still. 


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