The Tale of Schizophrenic Troll

Let’s call her Diego. She’s part of my “college group” but she actually didn’t go the same university we did. She just trolled us to death until we woke up one day and she’s already a part of our group. She actually went out with one of us but she eventually married the friend of one of us.

Her status is not important. What matters is that she’s one of us now. We love her deeply but we are not sure how she became one of us.

We’re an evil bunch. Well, they are evil and I provide holy salvation. On the other hand, she’s not evil. She’s just a lost troll sometimes.

Saying No to U.S.

Her mother is in the U.S. and she was all set to leave. Then, she got pregnant. She was all set to leave but got married instead.

What kind of a freakin’ detour is that? From the airport to the church. How did that happen? "Oh, while I wait for my plane ticket, I'll go have sex first... UNPROTECTED! 7 effin' 11 is right around the corner.

Why stay? This country is soon going to be invaded by the Chinese and there’s no way in hell I would allow myself to be someone else’s slave again.

Actually, we are already invaded by the Chinese. There are so many Chinese in this country that all the Chinese government has to do is ask all of them to pee at the same time and we will all drown to death, thanks to our drainage system.

As if staying here is not enough, she decided to bring another soul into this world. That kid better know how to swim.

Click here to read "At Your Age, Choosy Ka Pa?"

Call Center

She’s a good writer. I don’t give out a lot of advice about being married because… you know, I am brilliant at keeping relationships. However, I do know this much. She needs to make sure she will not lose herself in the marriage.

Yes, her family comes first but she can’t give something she doesn’t have. She is passionate about writing and she needs to feed that in order to have enough of her for her family.

She agreed with what I said and then she worked in a call center.

Finally Writing

She eventually quit. She said the commute is just too much for her. She asked me for writing jobs. I gave her some.

I told her to complete a certain number of articles every week to reach the minimum earnings she needs. She said she wants this writing gig because it will give her the chance to do what she loves and also exercise her brains.

It’s about darn time. Then, she didn’t submit her assignments. Ten articles. I thought she was sick. Then she posted photos on Facebook.

She met up with her college friends.

Second Chance

She found another job but she got laid off quick. She asked me for another chance. I gave it to her.

THE EXACT DARN THING happened. She didn’t submit the articles and hours later, I saw her posts on Facebook about meeting friends.

I finally figured, I’m stupid. 

The Lessons

We’re still friends and I still love her. I don’t think she’s a horrible person. She’s just not a the kind of writer that can summon her talents at will.

She just loves procrastinating in everything except making babies. If at all, I learned from her that you can actually be friends with someone who has downright horrendous work ethic.

Work has nothing to do with friendships.

But more importantly, I learned that giving someone a second chance is just as stupid as not giving someone a second chance.


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