Of Engagements and Breaking Engagements

I have been unfortunate enough to have same set of friends since college. I have been friends with this freakin’ b!tches for a decade and a half. I think the reason I am still friends with them is their need to keep me because I’m the only normal one in the group. Everyone is downright insane, 10 chips missing in their brains. 

It’s amazing they are able to count to 10.


Breaking an Engagement

I have a friend. Let’s call him Lando. He proposed to his girlfriend (not this is not the friend who just proposed to his girlfriend which is his first love). 

First off, he bought the ring in a mall at regular retail price. Very smart. In all fairness to him, it was a beautiful ring. It was something any girl wouldn’t mind wearing but I couldn’t help but think that he could have gotten it at less than half the price from Chinatown. They were doing all the preparations and shit when she broke up with him. 

She should return the ring, right? She didn’t. He said that she said it’s not a permanent break up. She just needs some space for now. What on earth is she? Astronaut or something? 

Eventually, space turned into a black hole because she disappeared… along with the ring. B!tch, give it back.


Proposing

I have another friend, he just proposed. Let’s call him Boy. Apparently, I have a lot of friends who like proposing but don’t really like getting married. We asked to see the ring. He said he didn’t give her one. 

His defense, it’s not our custom to give engagement rings anyway, it’s a Western culture. 

Yeah, our custom is to give the women’s family dowry. You b@st@rd better pay up.


Kept Man

I have another friend, let’s call him Rosalie. He has a girlfriend. His girlfriend has a boyfriend. So, that makes him the “other man”. We asked him what the deal is. He said, “I love her so much, I’m willing to be a spare tire.” 

She calls him whenever the boyfriend is out of town. Naturally, there are no commitments. He is free to explore but he makes himself available for her anytime she wants him. There are no anniversaries to remember, no birthdays to prepare for, no holidays to block off and no “boyfriend things” to worry about. 

The effin’ @asshole is brilliant.

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