The Business of Religion

You ask for donation so you can build a church.

Once the church is built, you ask for donation so you can maintain it. The expenses will include your personal expenses like food, electricity bills, clothing and other paraphernalia needed so you can do mass.

My friend, let’s call him Ellie, arrived in our usual hang out place proposing we establish the Church of Ellie.

“It will be the most liberal religion, ever” he said. We will preach love, living life the “best way you know how” and without judging the way other people live theirs. It’s all about setting your personal moral standards and living by it.

That’s the doctrine.

“Why?” I asked.

“Because I believe humanity needs a religion that understands humanity,” Ellie said.

Beautiful sounding piece of shit.

The church rules:

  • Thou shalt not judge others.
  • Thou shalt love as many people as you can the best way you know how.
  • Next to love, understanding is the most important virtue.
  • Civil status and other worldly social concepts don’t mean anything. What matters is love.
  • If thou shalt get married, marriage contract is optional.
  • If thou opt to have a contract, thou shalt draft your own contract.
  • If thou shalt not show up on campaign days, please inform the game master
  • Thou shalt text everyone the name of the “partner” you are bringing. If you don’t do this and we make a mistake, we are exonerated.
  • Divorces have a turn-around time of 24 hours.
  • Thou shalt bring lots of sugar when his holy highness Ellie is coming to a gathering.

For donations, please email me.


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