From Our Parents' Eyes

33.

My parents still can't bring themselves to talk openly about sex with me. Unlike other children, my parents never gave me "the talk". I just remember one time when we were watching a move and a guy went on top of the girl and my mom said "that's supposed to be done by married people". I nodded.

Operative word: supposed to be.

They never asked me about my boyfriends or whether or not we had sex. I don't think they ever will but my Mom dropped a hint when she told me she watched a celebrity sex tape and said that it's painful to watch for a mother. To your daughter doing it with a "man", the daughter you love and took care of... she said she won't be able to take it.

I got the point and I got the message. It's not like I have plans of making one. To watch myself have sex would be totally horrendous. Even I would be traumatized, imagine the others who will watch it. So yeah, I'll do the world a favor and won't make one.

But most of all, it's a favor to my parents who still can't seem to go past the fact that I have been alive for more than 33 years.



They still can't seem to wrap their minds around the fact that I've been through several relationships, each left me broken hearted.

... that I've broken heart too. I've done things to these guys that go against what they taught me as a child. I've made people cry and one of them deserved it.

... that I've compromised my limitations... all because I thought it's what people do for love.

... that I've failed far too many times. I am not the daughter they though was perfect. I've been rejected, insulted, bypassed, and thrown away.

... that I've hurt people... more than they hurt me.

... that I have different view of God, religion and the necessity of both. I believe in God, yes, but not in the God I grew up imagining. My faith is different than theirs and I have beliefs that will probably send them to confession.

... that there are things they did as parents that I wouldn't do when I become one. No, it doesn't mean I love them less. It only means I've grown up and I've experienced things outside our family that shaped my beliefs.

... that I've made mistakes, sometimes willingly, that no human being should ever do.

... that I've lied to myself, to other people and to them. Sometimes it's to protect them from the painful truth but, more often, it's to protect myself from having to see the pain in their eyes when they find out the truth.

... that I am damaged, broken... only pieced together by the sheer fact that I have no other choice but to be whole or get the f*ck out of this world because some people could sure use the space I am occupying.

I will spare them of all that and more because I am their daughter, their joy and the legacy they will leave this world.

No need to break their heart.

Comments

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