Letter to My Future Son

Dear Son,

I don't know when you will read this letter. In fact, I am not even sure when I will have you. All I know is that I want to have you with absolute certainty.

I don't know 'how' I will have you but it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter who gives birth to you, how you look like and what you're going to be. It doesn't matter to me. I will love you for all that you are and all that you are not.

I hope that I will have you early enough so that I can see grow up and live your full life before I die and have the energy and strength to enjoy every moment of it. I want to see you fall in love for the first time, graduate, get a job for the first time, get married and have babies.

Sometimes I wish I had you early. If I had you in my mid 20s, you will be old enough to become my travel buddy now. I will take you hiking, swimming and running. We will go to museums together and appreciate art together. We will do movie marathons together and study together.

But then, I wasn't my best self when I was in my 20s. I was childish and arrogant. I thought I had it all figured out. I wasn't a good daughter. I wasn't a good friend. I wasn't a good person. I wans't even a good writer. I wouldn't have been a good mother, not in my standards, at least. So, maybe God designed things this way because He is also thinking about your welfare. He knows that my parends did their best in raising me and I should be able to do mine to when I have you. You deserve the best version of me.

Advice I would have given the highschool me. Click here. 

The only think I can do now is try to stay as healthy as I can be so I will have the physical strength to keep up with you. I will be careful and live as long as I could so I can be there until you get married and have children of your own.

I hope I can at least hold my grandchildren and maybe even be strong enough to accompany them around when they start walking but that would be a bonus. What is important, for me, is you. I want to become the mother that will bring out the best version of you.

I hope I can inspire you to be passionate and hardworking. I don't know what kind of career or way of living you will want to pursue but I hope you will pursue it with all you've got. Do everything you can to be the best you can ever be in whatever field you decide to purse. Live it, breathe it, eat it and be it. Learn from the best. Practice. Gain experience and then do everything all over again until you get to where you want to go and be what you want to become.

Dream and dream big and don't let anyone tell you that you are not good enough to achieve it. Don't listen to what other people will say. Just do your best and be relentless. Failure is only possible if you stop trying.

The agony of waiting. Click here and understand it. 

You will experience lots of failures but don't let that dictate who you will become. Don't let failures win over you. Not being able to achieve something is not failing but quitting is. Don't quit because I don't want you to look back at your life and realize that you were a coward. Being a coward is a ghost you will never get rid off.

So push, my dear son. Fight with all you've got. Never give up. Had I given up, I wouldn't have had you and you are my greatest victory.

I broke the heart of my first love but it was only when I had my heart broken did I realize how painful I made my first love feel. There are very few agonies in the world that is worse than a broken heart. I know it is bound to happen to you but I hope that you will do your best to not break someone's heart and to take care of your own.

Be a man you want your future daughter to marry. Respect your partner. Understand that like you, she or he has dreams and you should do everything you can to help her or him achieve it, the way you would want your dreams to be supported.

Understand that although you want to spend a lot of them with with her or him, she or he needs space and identity that is whole even without you.

Respect your partner when you are in front of other people and especially when it's just the two of you.

I hope I can inspire you to become a great friend. I have been blessed with compassionate people in my life. I can truly say that I wouldn't have achieved what I have been able to achieve without the help of friends. Some of them have been in my life since I was young but some of them stayed only for a while but time is not a factor in making an impact in someone's life and that's really what friendship is all about, making someone breathe a little easier because you exist in their life.

I hope I can inspire you to be the best man you can ever be by being honest. That's a rare commodity.

I hope I can inspire you to be the best man you can ever be by being a good listener. There is enough noise in this world. You will learn more if you listen more and you will find that the less you talk, the less regret you will have when you grow older.

I hope I can inspire you to have faith. I hope you will become a Christian but I will not dictate the religion you want to follow. I don't have one either. All I have is faith in a Greater Power. It is what gave me a reason to continue believing that I will have you. Despite the insults and jokes about being a matandang dalaga, I knew I was being prepared for something great and that's being a mother to you.

I don't know when you will read this but if you ever get to this and I'm not anymore around, know that I love you with all my heart and soul. I have spent so many years waiting for you to come into my life. Know that I am doing everything I can now so I can be the best mother and friend to you. I know I will have shortcomings and I hope you forgive me for it.

Know that there is one person in this world who has loved you even before you were born. Know that there is one person in this world that has spent her entire life being the best version of herself to prepare for you, hoping that will inspire you to become the best version of you.

I love you, my son and I don't have a reason for doing so. I just do.

Your Mom