Advice I Would Have Given The Highschool Me
I hurt some people that I love and treated other people in a way they absolutely don't deserve. I held back when I should have given more and I stayed when I should have left.
Yes, everything I am now is a product of the decisions I've made but I sure would have saved so many people some pain and trouble had I known better. I also would have made things easier for me or would have avoided passing up on some dreams had I known better.
If only I could have met the younger me, here are the things I'll advise her to do.
Sometimes, pain is inevitable. It's just a matter of hurting now or hurting later. Choose 'now'.
You will get hurt and you will hurt other people. Sometimes you will see it coming, sometimes you won't, and sometimes you will refuse to see it. The minute you realize that pain is inevitable, don't delay it because you will make the pain worse. Choose to hurt now so you can get over it or the other person can get over it sooner.
Click here for some of the most brilliant words of wisdom I have ever heard.
That guy you will meet in college, you don't love him. He makes you feel important and wanted, that's why you want him. You're confusing love with vanity. Eventually, you will realize that you will have to break up with him and you will hurt him. Do it the minute you realize you want out. Don't make him dig himself dig deep because you will only make it harder for him to climb back up.
That friend you trusted since high school, she has been lying to you since the beginning. Walk away. That secret you have kept from your uncles and aunties about your cousin, it will blow up in their faces and you will feel you betrayed them.
Remember, the minute you realize pain is inevitable, hurt now so you can move on sooner.
It's okay to be scared to be alone
Part of the reason you will not want to break up with him is you're scared to be alone. It's okay to be scared of being alone. You'll live. You'll find ways on how to be happy being alone. You'll figure it out. There will still be moments... days, even, when you will feel lonely but it's not the end of the world. You'll find adventures you can take on your own, adventures others can only dream off.
When you do get on your adventures, make the most out of it. Keep souvenirs and remember important details. When you become afraid of being alone again, recall your adventures. It will comfort you.
You are not pretty and it's fine
Listen to this. You are not attractive as your other cousins. There's nothing you can do about it. Just try to take care of your health and look "pleasing" for yourself. Work out, stay active, eat healthy. Your cousins and friends have had things easy for them because of their looks. They are used to being beautiful and that's why they won't make any effort to take care of their body. In less than a decade, the wrong choices they will make will also drag down their physical beauty.
Cliche as it may sound. You do have other assets. You're smart so just learn on how to play those assets.
Some time in the future, you will end up living in another country. They will find you attractive there. You'd be surprised.
You should believe in marriage but not as much as you believe in love
People are going to get married left and right. Once you hit college, you will hear the most demure people you know get knocked up and tie the knot. You won't mind it first but you will stat feeling lonely when half of your high school friends are married and you are still alone.
Don't concentrate on the desire to get married. Concentrate on love. That's what you should aim to GIVE and HOPE TO RECEIVE.
In a couple of years, people are going to ask for your help because they are now separated from their husbands. You will witness them raise children without proper guidance. You will witness their children go astray because they grew up without the kind of love and guidance they deserve. Work on being the kind of person that could love a child and raise a human being. It will take a damn long time but don't have a child until you know you can do it.
If marriage comes with it then fine but concentrate on love, not marriage.
Click here and read about the lessons I want to teach my godchilcren because their parents won't.
Keep your ability to find the best in people
You are not aware of it but you always see the good side in people. You have this habit of brushing people's bad traits under the rug. It hurts you sometimes but in the end, it allows you to trust and believe in people. Keep it up. When other people try to sway you the other way, shun them.
People, just like, just aim to be happy. That's why they do what they do. Don't judge them.
Learn to say 'no'
You don't mind sacrificing for other people. I still don't but you shouldn't have to do it all the time. It's okay to say reject when people asks for a favor. You need time and energy for yourself too.
Your work is where you work
Your place of work is where you work. Other people who are there are there to work. Friendship, though formed, is rare. The friends you've made growing up are the ones who will remain your friend. Treasure them. When you need to choose between spending time with friends from high school or the people you work with, choose the former.
You will still make friends from work but that will take a different form. You will have some connection with a few of them but not the kind of relationship that makes you feel comfortable and act with so much abandon as you do with your friends from school and childhood.
Things will be fine so just live
Things will work out fine. You will recover from the heartbreak. People will forgive you and some will even forget the wrong you have done. You will achieve some of your dreams and will move on from those you weren't able to get. You will go through some beautiful adventures. Things won't always be smooth but you will get through it.
It will be fine so just live.