One thing I realized after being single (not married) for more than three decades is that there is no one else that is harder to live with than myself.
At night, when everyone else is gone, it's just me and my evil conscience talking with each other. It is now just a matter of whether or not my evil conscience can deal with the choices I made the whole day.
God knows there were many nights when my evil conscience almost gave up on me, disgusted at the situations I put myself into, revolted that the decisions I've made. Most of the time, those revolting decisions involved men and relationships. I've done things or allowed things to happen without really thinking about how it will affect me in the future or how it will make me feel when the relationship is over and I'm over the guy.
More times than I care to count, I've found myself completely embarrassed at the things I did and didn't do just make a guy a happy or avoid breaking up or to earn "points". I've found myself thinking what the hell was I thinking and beating my head for being so stupid.
I know you have.
So, I've learned to set standards for myself and for the relationships I will have. Standards are consistent. Long after these b@st@rd j3rks are gone, standards will remain. And so here is my list and here's to hoping my stupidity doesn't get in the way of me and my list.
- A Life He Enjoys - as romantic as it may seem to hear someone say "you are my everything and I can't live without you", I think anyone who says those things are either lying or a loser. A guy needs to have his own thing going, happy with it, and working on making things better. I should be someone he chooses to have in his life even it is already complete.
- Self-Made - at my age, I don't think I'd settle for someone who is still in school unless it's higher studies. I want someone who already has a career, a career he worked hard to get. It's not a crime to be born with a surname and money, but it is not an excuse to sit his lazy ass on his family's fortune.
- Passion - I don't care if he is passionate about computers or martial arts or developing new technologies or cars or traveling for as long as he has passion. It has to be a passion that matters to him. There is a huge difference between wasting time with useless hobbies and doing something that matters to him. I can't stand to be with a guy who plays DOTA or WOW all day without a clue on how he can turn that into something productive.
- Direction - he should be someone who has achieved some of his dreams already or is working on his way to having the life that he wants. I can't be with an ambition-less slob who gets by earning enough to feed himself. I want someone who has sees himself getting somewhere and is actually working on getting there.
- Independent - when a guy gets to 21, he should already be self-sustaining whether or not he is still in school. If we do end up together, I am willing to pitch in the expenses or even split everything 50-50 but I will not be burdened by someone else.
- Gentleman - yes, I still want a guy that will open the door for me, pull the chair for me, offer his hand when I am going down the stairs, etc. I know that when women called for equality, it also called for giving up certain rights. I don't want to get into the whole equality discussion but one thing is clear, I want the guy to care for me in both the small and big things.
- Make Me a Part of His World - I understand guys have guy stuff as much as girls have girl stuff but I want someone who will make an effort to make me a part of it, make me understand what's going on there. It could be something as simple taking me with him when he watches basketball or football games or taking me with him in some of his hiking trips or whatever. I am not clingy or demanding. I am all for giving each other space. God knows I need my space but I would like someone who would pick me to share everything with and trust that even though I am welcome, I will not abuse the privilege.
- Honest - oooohhhh... honest. Hard I know but yes, I want an honest guy. I am not perfect and I don't expect guys to be but, at the very least, I want someone who will have the b@lls to tell me the truth even if it is hard to do. The truth is a precious thing... and rare. If a guy will hand to me something precious and rare, then I'll know ho much I am worth to him. The truth is also something that only the real brave can face and I want someone who is brave, really brave.
- Loves the Outdoors - loves, not obsessed. I don't like going to big parties and bars but I like hiking, going to the beach, and doing other kinds nature-based trips. I want someone that will share that. I like going to concerts and watching movies. I want someone that will share those with me. I know it seems a minor detail but I do have a friend who managed to marry a faithful and kind guy but is so much of homebody, she ended up developing a "special friendship with someone who shares the same interest.
- Understand My Love For My Family - I love my family and I want someone who understands that for me to be completely happy, I need to spend time with them and provide for them in little ways. They are the ones who never left me through thick and thin and I am pretty sure that even if he leaves me, my family won't.
- Goodlooking - at least to my standards. When I wake up in the morning, I need to see a face I can take. He doesn't have to be drop dead gorgeous but I need someone who I look at now till death do us part.
- Religious or Have Strong Faith in God - There are very few religions I find hard to appreciate and I would want a guy that is religious or, at the very least, has strong faith in God. I am not religious but I believe that rules are important. I need a guy that will be that anchor.
- Sense of Humor - my father is a funny guy and during the hardest times in our family, his sense of humor pulled us through. If I am forced to be with a guy who takes life seriously, I'll go mad faster than the speed of effin' light. I need someone who can laugh at himself, find the funny side of things, and make me laugh even during the most insane times.
- Respect Everyone Equally - I need him to treat a waiter the same way he treats the most powerful person he knows, with respect and politeness.
And that's my list. You think a guy like this exist?
Do you have a list?